On Friday 24th August I was due to get the results from the biopsy, the two week wait had felt like quite a long time but I had felt confident all was going to be ok, I’d be laughing and joking about it and had asked my sister to come with me to get my results as my mum was going away that day so I thought that having my sister there would be good as I love spending time with her and especially as she was bringing my little niece with her.
I dressed for work as my appointment was in the morning, so I thought I can go straight from the hospital to work and put it all behind me. I thought about the possibility of having the lump removed anyway and those kind of thoughts, but the thought of getting bad news just wasn’t an option.
I’d spent the evening previously at a friends and we went onto a website that mediums could give you readings etc and I had a brief reading from one lady who picked up that I was waiting for results, which impressed us, so when she said everything was going to be alright, that just added to my confidence.
So just before 9 on the 24th Lavinia turned up and we set off to Gloucester Royal Hospital. I was a little nervous, but in pretty good spirits, I had fun playing peek a boo with Caroline on the way to the hospital, that little girl can lift my spirits far better than any drugs or alcohol etc lol.
We checked in with the hospital and took our seats in the waiting area. Caroline was having a whale of a time sat there with Lavinia and I. She is just about walking so was holding onto us and walking around us. Her non stop giggles and laughter had everyone in the waiting room smiling, it felt like she was a little ray of sunshine in a dark room.
When I got called through by the nurse, we set off into the room and was told the Consultant would be through shortly, to take a seat. Lavinia wasn’t with me, as Caroline had dropped her blanket lol, so she followed on shortly!
After a few minutes the Consultant came through followed by a nurse, I remember thinking “Why’s the nurse come in now, that’s not good”.
To be honest the next hour is a blur, I remember the consultant just sitting down and basically just coming out with it, that my results had come back as being cancerous and that the previous consultant had probably given me a good indication that it was going to be this result. I was totally gob smacked…. I felt as if someone had just punched me in the stomach and banged two bin lids around my head, (a bigger version of the infamous tango ear slap lol).
I remember turning to look at Lavinia, who looked gob smacked as well… I just couldn’t take it in.
The consultant told me that she wanted to book me in for a lumpectomy and her next available appointment was the 14th September, was I free. I just said yes without thinking, so she put me down in her diary. She explained that she would remove the lump, the surrounding tissue and would also remove the local lymph nodes in my armpit. She mentioned that they would do a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy which is also known as a Blue Dye Technique, where they inject blue dye into the breast lymphatic vessels, the dye then flows into the armpit and will colour the first lymph node which is known as the sentinel node, blue so that it can be identified and removed along with any surrounding lymph nodes. Also during this procedure a small amount of radioactive tracer will be injected, so for a while I may glow a radioactive blue 🙂
I don’t really remember that much else of what the consultant told me, I just remember it felt like my mind was going 100mph and at one point the nurse and consultant left for a few moments so I reached for my phone and text my other half and a mate and to be honest was pretty blunt and just said something like “its cancerous.” I put my phone away as the consultant came back in and she said that she would see me on the 14th and that I would now see the nurse for more information etc.
All I could think of at this point was “Do NOT cry” so all my effort went into not crying, the nurse was lovely and went through a few details, most of which I don’t remember. She gave me her card with her number on and said to call of I needed to know anything, but due to cut backs she was only in on a Tuesday and Friday. I remember finding that quite funny lol.
After being loaded up with leaflets and information we were given the ok to go home. I remember walking out of the hospital and as soon as I got outside, the tears just burst out. Poor Caroline just looked at me as if to say what’s wrong with you dude, she pulled a face or something and Lavinia made her laugh which made me laugh.
We got to the car and I asked Lavinia if she could ring mum and dad and tell them, I couldn’t face it at that moment, I just wanted to get away from the hospital so Lavinia asked if I wanted to go to Asda with her. I agreed but said I would stay in the car.
We got to Asda and Lavinia went off to phone Mum and Dad so I stayed in the car with Caroline. I suddenly thought I had better ring work, now I have to admit this terrified me, I rang and got Kate who knew what was going on and has been through Breast Cancer herself and survived. I can’t remember what I said but I remember breaking down into tears and explaining that I wouldn’t be in today, she was lovely and said she would tell the Directors.
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur really, I went round Asda with Lavinia and Caroline, just being around Caroline made me happy and forget for a bit, so I was content playing with her as we wondered around Asda.
When we finished we came back to my flat and had some lunch.
I think I went on to mums later as I was meant to be dog and house sitting for the weekend and Bank Holiday.
I remember getting a text from my best mate asking how I had got on, so I told him the results and had a few text exchanges before he had to go back into work. I had a text from Tanya a work colleague saying that she’d heard and didnt know what to say etc but some gorgeous flowers had been delivered to work for me, did I want her to bring them home for me.
Flowers??? At work, for me? I was confused so I asked Tanya to open the card to see who it was from. She replied Di….. Di is my other half, whom I had only met at the beginning of August and I had told her very early on what was happening, but again I had told her it would all be ok and I would get the all clear, but I was confused as she didn’t know my work address lol. Wrong ha ha… Bless her little cotton socks, I’d emailed her from my work account the day before and she used the address from the footer 🙂
I asked my sister to go collect the flowers for me as I couldn’t face going into work and seeing everyone. So she did and she returned with the most amazing bouquet of roses that I had ever seen. 6 pink and 6 red roses. I nearly swooned on the spot 🙂
I proudly took my flowers to my mums and started to read my leaflets etc. I couldn’t really take it in, so stopped reading as I didn’t know what kind of treatment I would need etc, so until I get the results after the surgery there was no point in worrying about it.
My friends came to see me that night at mums and that was amazing, I hadn’t seen them for a while so it was really good to see them and catch up and realise how good your friendships really are and how much they mean to me.
The rest of the weekend was a bit of a groggy blur because I had a migraine all of Saturday and most of Sunday, my lovely Di came down to see me which was amazing but when I have a bad migraine, I am very groggy and am sick a lot, so it wasn’t very nice for her.