Second time round

Today was the second lot of my surgery, this was to remove further breast tissue after the original lumpectomy showed cancerous cells on the one side of the lump, so they were going to remove from the left hand side of my left breast.

I had to be in at 7:30am so that was a bit of a shock to the system as that is my usual waking up time for work. Having said that I didn’t sleep that well, I kept waking up to see what time it was.

I’ve been asked a few times if I am nervous, but I’m starting to question myself on this, I don’t actually feel that nervous most of the time, but sometimes I wonder if my body is getting tense and stressed overnight, as I have been waking up feeling tense and stiff and getting a lot of tension headaches, so maybe sub consciously I am?

Well enough of that, I didn’t feel nervous that much this morning I just wanted to get there and get it sorted. I didn’t know what time surgery was starting but I knew I was second on the list, so my childish little mind immediately goes into “First the worst, Second the Best, third the one with the hairy chest” 🙂

We got there about 7:15am and the reception for day surgery wasn’t open, so we had to wait until 7:30 to get signed in, I didn’t have a letter, so had that momentary panic of “are they expecting me, am I booked in for today?” Luckily they knew all about me and soon I was whisked away to a ward and allocated a bed.

I got chatting to the lady next to me, she was in for her first lumpectomy and seemed pretty nervous, so we chatted about the procedures and she said she had bowel cancer some years ago so was aware of a lot of the things about to happen. Then a nurse came to see her to go through her details etc, sign the forms etc. She was told she was in first and would need to get undressed and the anaesthetist would be round to see her soon.

My nurse arrived and went through my details, I was given a new name tag, a nice red one, as I had an allergic reaction to the blue dye last time and even though I wouldn’t be having the blue dye this time, it was still a reaction/allergy.

Once this was done I was told I could go get my mum and bring her through, but we had already decided that mum would nip home, as last time was such a long draggy day So I said goodbye to Mum and said I would text when I was awake and that the nurses recommended to ring at 12 if she hadn’t heard from me.

I had my blood pressure taken and that was all ok, I could hear the lady next door was having hers taken as well and they said it was very high. The nurse said she would speak to the surgeon to get her advice as to whether she wanted to proceed with the surgery. A while later I heard the anaesthetist come round and sadly she told the lady that it was too risky to proceed with surgery, that her type of cancer would not be harmed by a slight delay, she would need to see her Dr and get her blood pressure under control and come back.

I have to say I felt gutted for the poor lady, I would have been devastated if that was me, but fair play she handled it really well and was very upbeat about it.

The next minute the nurse came into see me and handed me some paracetamol, my gown and stockings and said, “you’re up first now”……. Hmmmmm first the worst and all that lol… 😛

So it was time to put on my sexy gown and even sexier stockings….. Hmmmmm hot stuff lol 🙂

I saw the anaesthetist and had all the paperwork to be filled out, luckily as it was so close to my last surgery they could copy a lot from the old sheet so it was a lot quicker.

Before long the two anaesthetist nurses came in and one was a friend of mine, so it was lovely to see a familiar face, but she had to act professional and so banter was strictly off limits 🙂

The next stage was a bit of a blur, again no nice dreams, no fuzzy wuzzy nice floaty feelings, just boom out cold 🙂

The next thing I remember waking up in the recovery room and thank god this time there was no itching, feeling freezing or any of that stuff due to an allergic reaction. I felt a lot more alert this time and was told I had only been in for 30 mins or so… I think 🙂

Before long I was whisked back up to the ward, it was empty now, the two other ladies were obviously in surgery, they were both non breast operations and I think more in the down below regions and they were all well over 65 so I felt a real spring chicken :-). (plus one of them kept pulling faces like Mrs Brown, from Mrs Browns Boys) and I couldn’t tell what she was up to, but maybe she was wincing from the pain downstairs lol.

I felt really perky so when the nurse asked I’d if I wanted anything, so I asked if she could get my phone out of my shoe, as I didn’t have anywhere to hide it. She smiled and got it for me 🙂 Straight away I felt reunited with my lifeline and was texting to say I was back in the land of the living and then sending mushy texts to Di 🙂

After a while the surgeon came to see me and said that as far as she could tell the op had gone well and that she had removed the maximum amount of breast tissue that she could and that if the results still showed that there was cancer there, then we would have to look at a full mastectomy as my boob couldn’t cope with any further tissue being removed. I have to admit this despite already saying I’d be ok with a mastectomy if it was needed, hearing this did make me feel pretty upset.

She said I would have to wait two weeks for my results and then they would take the next action that was needed. I had already asked the Breast Care Nurse about when would I be looking at starting chemo and I can’t remember the exact details. But it seemed like two weeks after getting my results (two weeks to go) I would see the relevant Dr, then I would need to have the Chemo talk? Then tests or something like that? All I could think if is that it seems a lot of waiting and waiting is not the easiest.

I’m being totally honest, but I am struggling with concentrating at work, I know I can’t get involved in projects that I should normally be taking on, as I can’t commit to being there or seeing it through. My mind goes blank at the drop of a hat, I can’t remember what the hell I was doing. It’s like my brain is a big mushy pile of goo….. (Hmmm what colour would it be….)

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(Pmsl I just googled blue goo I google images… Ha ha… It ranged from scantily clad women covered in blue paint, to a type of weed/hash, to cracked heel cream and some dodgy pics so I switched to green goo….. Much safer!!!)

I’ve been given a sick note for another two weeks, and I’m battling whether to take a week and go back in or stick to the two weeks, what I found last time is that the first week was needed for physical healing and the second week felt more like mental healing and psychological healing/preparation. So I don’t know, it feels too soon to decide as I have struggled keeping my emotions under control today. It easier to keep my emotions in check when I am around others, that’s partly why I haven’t gone to bed yet lol.

Well I think I am well and try whacked so going to face the bed of emotions and hope to sleep soundly without crying lol.. I don’t want to cry as I know everything will be ok, but I think I am just tired and emotional…. Blahhhhhh

Nite all xx

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One thought on “Second time round

  1. Well done for getting this far on your emotional and phyisical journey Amanda. You’re doing really well. Looks like lots of DVDs are needed to keep your mind off things. Shout if u need any Lisa has plenty.

    Take care you x

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