This is my space – thats yours

Last night I went to a music gig and was really looking forward to seeing the band “Missing Andy” whom my mates have been raving about for over a year as they saw them at a local festival last year and they are playing at the same festival this year that I am going to.

So I went to see them in a small music venue last night and was excited about seeing them and felt chilled and ready for it.  What I found though was that as soon as the band started playing and the crowd got more packed in and the drunk men started dad dancing around me, I suddenly felt really scared and protective over my left boob.  Its really tender at the moment and I knocked it with a plastic wallet file the other day and it killed so I really didn’t want someones elbow bashing into me so I adopted a strange stance with my arm covering my boob.  This meant I couldn’t relax or dance and at one point I just wanted to get out of there and I felt myself wanting to cry.

I felt totally conflicted as I was enjoying the music and the band were amazing but my head went off somewhere else for a bit.  I think my mate saw I was having a little freak out so moved me to a safer position and I did start to relax but by then my feet were killing me.

Since my treatment my feet get really sore and painful and last night was really painful, I found standing on the hard floor hard and haven’t stood for so long in a while so after a while my ankles felt like they had locked and I was getting shooting pains going up my legs.  So I was grateful it wasn’t a massive set list and was able to sit down at the end.

In all I had a fantastic night but it still surprises me how little things within me have changed, how protective I am of my boob and how much it freaked me out being around people dancing in close proximity.

I’m not going to let that stop me doing things at least I will be prepared for it next time 🙂

Check out the band Missing Andy: they are really good 🙂 xx


I’m fundraising…. twice

I know that some people would consider me one of those annoying people who is constantly fundraising and yes I have to put my hands up and admit to being one of them but the way I look at it, is that even if I raise £1 that’s £1 that my chosen charity wouldn’t have had before.

So I have decided to combine the celebration of my “End of Treatment” party on the 1st June with a fundraising opportunity. So on the actual night I will be holding a raffle and will be collecting donations but my biggest fundraising tool is an online auction that I am running currently.  I have been asking friends, relatives, local and national companies for help with donating items that can be sold online.  I have been astounded by their generosity and have managed to get some fantastic items which can be found at:

Information on the whole event and reasons why can be found here:


Ok my second fundraising event is a bit more regular!  I am taking part in Race for Life at Gloucester Park in Gloucester on Sunday 23rd June 2013.   I was lucky to be asked by Cancer Research if I would be willing to use my story to feature in an article about Race for Life so last week I was in the local papers!

Glos Citizen 090513

Anyone wishing to sponsor me please do 🙂 –

Please help me in anyway that you can, it will mean such a lot 🙂 xx


Catch Up

I know I havent written anything for quite some time on here so I apologise for that, I have found the last few weeks have gone so fast it has been a blur and to be honest I dont really know if I am coming or going!

I am now three weeks clear of all of my treatments!  Wahoo!  <<does a little dance>> I finished my Radiotherapy on the 24th of April.  I have to say that I found the Radiotherapy to be a piece of cake compared to the chemo.  Yes its inconvenient going in every day especially at middle day, but the appointments were quick and on time.  No more waiting for hours in the depressing Oncology Waiting Room.  The staff and nurses were lovely, it felt like there was more interaction with them than before, but I think that was more to do with how I was feeling, I was more relaxed and didnt get nervous before the treatments like I did for my chemo.

Each session took around 10 mins, with the exception of the first couple which took longer as they were setting up and preparing me and describing what is going to happen.   I didnt find any of the Radiotherapy process scary, in fact I was almost captivated by the machines and the way they move around you and the technology is amazing!

I found myself quite often escaping to another place in my head and would actually almost doze off at times, even the nurses commented on how relaxed I was.  There is no point in getting worked up, there is nothing to worry about and it just makes it uncomfortable if you are tense as the position you have to lie in isnt the most natural feeling in the world 🙂

I found walking out of the hospital on my last day quite emotional, I had been told that quite often people find it scary when you finish as there is no structure with appointments and being around health professionals so much.  I must admit I poo pooed this, but have to admit it is real.. I walked out of there thinking…. what do I do now…..  For a brief moment I felt quite lost.

Luckily I am a positive thinker and also keep myself busy with lots of things, such as getting back to work, organising a fundraising “End of Celebration” Party, being part of the committee for Gloucestershire Pride and so on….. I think sometimes I take on too much, but other times I just love it!

I have found I have good days and bad days emotionally, mostly good but when I get tired I get quite down as I feel frustrated at not doing what I want to do. I have returned to work now, my first week was a 4 dayer and I did mornings only and that was ok.  I felt ok during the week but the weekend, wow I was hit for six!   I was as much use as a chocolate tea pot!  I had all these plans of tidying the flat so that I can get an estate agent round to get it valued.  I am really keen to move now, I am desperate for a place with a garden and have seen a place I fell for so am itching to get things into place but tidying my flat is my nemesis!

This is my second week back at work and I did my first full day yesterday and boy oh boy did I feel tired afterwards!  I had to man up and get my tired butt to choir, as I have joined a choir in Cheltenham that is part of the Everyman Theatre.  I am the only “true” newbie this term as everyone else has been going for some time now so clever me joins when they have a massive concert happening in July!  All 8 everyvoice choirs are joining on the main stage to perform songs and guess which choir pretty much sings every song…. yup mine!  So I have shit loads to learn and I am struggling so any tips from my actor chums on how to learn lyrics would be most gratefully received!

Links to the show:

Well that’s it for now I am going to write a post about my End of Celebration Fundraiser.  🙂  Ta ra xx